As lives came and went;
I never found him;
In madness and faith I believed. And believed;
A taker just a taker;
A giver that can only give;
Together they never must live.
Resentment insidious as communication lacks;
Unbridled passions just dying to burst;
As the victim plays on, in the game he called love.
Freedom won, no redemption is sight;
As I give of myself no longer.
His next victim, he seeks;
With charm oozing from his pores;
In hopes of a new gas lit hole to command;
A beating heart to steal, just so he can feel.
I had this ‘gem’ hidden in my drafts. I am glad I found it because I was afraid of writing for a while, because it tells my truth and I felt such shame. My shame in being with a man for so long that never really loved me. Only needed me to further his unrealistic ideals of being a ‘family man’. I was the older women, dreaming of a white picket fence and the idea of going at life with a loving partner by my side. He promised me marriage, even after he changed his mind and didn’t want to marry we still had a beautiful baby. I wanted my daughter and wouldn’t change that for a thing. However, much to my dismay and later my relief, it did not change the fact that he never really planned to marry me. It turned out that he is a narcissist, and I felt trapped. I held on for far to long and had a hard time accepting the fact that he could only take. Never give. If he gave, I would have to pay, somehow, always. Now I am on my own again, extremely thankful that I never actually married him. Now I am thankful for my freedom, my security, and my authenticity. Things I was so desperately missing while I was with him.