I Wonder

What would it be like to only have each other?

No evil minds with unnatural delight;

If truth only prevailed;

Lies forever derailed.

Could we remember how to love one another?




at the beginning

only to re-invent what always was

finding a road that a size eight

can travel moving along the many fields

so many roses, lily’s of a thousand valleys

remembering to forget

what we never were.

Born for us to remember

that which we will never take hold of because

by then she will have us let her go.


As lives came and went;

I never found him;

In madness and faith I believed.  And believed;

A taker just a taker;

A giver that can only give;

Together they never must live.

Resentment insidious as communication lacks;

Unbridled passions just dying to burst;

As the victim plays on, in the game he called love.

Freedom won, no redemption is sight;

As I give of myself no longer.

His next victim, he seeks;

With charm oozing from his pores;

In hopes of a new gas lit hole to command;

A beating heart to steal, just so he can feel.

I had this ‘gem’ hidden in my drafts.  I am glad I found it because I was afraid of writing for a while, because it tells my truth and I felt such shame.  My shame in being with a man for so long that never really loved me.  Only needed me to further his unrealistic ideals of being a ‘family man’.  I was the older women, dreaming of a white picket fence and the idea of going at life with a loving partner by my side.  He promised me marriage, even after he changed his mind and didn’t want to marry we still had a beautiful baby.  I wanted my daughter and wouldn’t change that for a thing.  However, much to my dismay and later my relief, it did not change the fact that he never really planned to marry me.  It turned out that he is a narcissist, and I felt trapped.  I held on for far to long and had a hard time accepting the fact that he could only take.  Never give.  If he gave, I would have to pay, somehow, always. Now I am on my own again, extremely thankful that I never actually married him.  Now I am thankful for my freedom, my security, and my authenticity.  Things I was so desperately missing while I was with him.



Engrossed in your make believe
Playing with your doll house
All by yourself

So proud
in your world it is time to explore

I recognize that world
I often long to be there too
You can meander between

It is my blessing
That joy you feel
The comfort in safety

Your freedom
My happiness
When you can grow into you



I am sorry

Sorry she left so early

Tearing your world apart

Future plans obliterated

Only a fading memory

Young skin no longer warm to touch

Only her smell remains

An empty nursery

So final, no warning

Five short years

Disapear into dust

Cruely life pushes on

As she whispers, “I love you Daddy.”

Her gift to you

That voice will never fade

As those words were meant for you alone.