Tethered are those who can not see
The narcissist within a honeymoon
Drawn to a snake charmer
Hypnotic, entrancement once captured
Spinning tails of love, only but false hope
Reciprocation an unknown
In the narcissists world, there is only self love
Self appreciation, vanity and gloating
Manipulation and judgement the only language
Until one victim gets away with broken wings
Slipping through the false promises of a future
Charm radiates in hopes for a quick replacement
Only to keep the self centered alive
Kick a can, a bucket
Crawling, rising in pensive stance
Waiting for the fight
As guts knot
Stagger and spew
When words collide
Eerily creeping out
Just to go within
Forgetting who we were
Scratching begging to survive
Hiding behind fearful words
Of hate and betrayal
Only to find reflection
In a Mirror of guilt.
As the night growls from behind;
A body stands on edge;
Precipice taunting a promise of death;
Never sure if the wolves deserve a feeding;
Giving up or giving in;
For those without feeling;
Will never understand;
Pretending there is no empathy a difficult option;
As emotion steals the moments;
Wolves become frenzied with anticipation;
Waiting for their feast;
A body cocoons in a hope for momentary peace;
Delicate wings poke through;
In a warriors stance;
A body will take flight;
While stepping over the threshold of choice.
With a nature as big as the wind;
She flew tails whipping behind her;
Bursting through, she screamed;
Built up fear pushing her all the way;
It was a chance not easily given up;
Unknown forces inciting a whisper
Promising a destiny of advantage;
It being the only way to the top.
As she lit the way by his gaslight;
She learned to plan ahead.
Only but a snakes skin to be shed;
Deep within her heart a love rages on.
By natures patient ticking clock;
She knew the end is near.
As the little girl dances;
The little girl soars.
As lives came and went;
I never found him;
In madness and faith I believed. And believed;
A taker just a taker;
A giver that can only give;
Together they never must live.
Resentment insidious as communication lacks;
Unbridled passions just dying to burst;
As the victim plays on, in the game he called love.
Freedom won, no redemption is sight;
As I give of myself no longer.
His next victim, he seeks;
With charm oozing from his pores;
In hopes of a new gas lit hole to command;
A beating heart to steal, just so he can feel.
I had this ‘gem’ hidden in my drafts. I am glad I found it because I was afraid of writing for a while, because it tells my truth and I felt such shame. My shame in being with a man for so long that never really loved me. Only needed me to further his unrealistic ideals of being a ‘family man’. I was the older women, dreaming of a white picket fence and the idea of going at life with a loving partner by my side. He promised me marriage, even after he changed his mind and didn’t want to marry we still had a beautiful baby. I wanted my daughter and wouldn’t change that for a thing. However, much to my dismay and later my relief, it did not change the fact that he never really planned to marry me. It turned out that he is a narcissist, and I felt trapped. I held on for far to long and had a hard time accepting the fact that he could only take. Never give. If he gave, I would have to pay, somehow, always. Now I am on my own again, extremely thankful that I never actually married him. Now I am thankful for my freedom, my security, and my authenticity. Things I was so desperately missing while I was with him.
As a reflection
I leave you forever
Let go, let go, let go
Fairy tale dreams
Of romance just another afterthought
Weak bonds turned inside out
For all to see, the real me
The real you, no hiding in shadows
No lies untold as truth prevails
Endings of bittersweet pallor
To many good ones had to let go
For new beginnings and new endings
I say farewell and bring it on
No more going with the flow
This year I will create it.
via Daily Prompt: Year